


there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark

by candyflossclifford



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Shot, also calum and ashton have really minor roles i'm sorry, also talk of hating on the band and band members, first fic, michael has some negative thoughts in this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-20
Updated: 2016-04-20
Packaged: 2018-06-03 09:07:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,969
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6605020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/candyflossclifford/pseuds/candyflossclifford
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Luke’s expression is now completely serious, and Luke knows how Michael gets when he stumbles upon online hate about himself - Michael instantly overthinks the words spoken about himself; and he will believe anything and everything said. Michael hates that he does that and hates that Luke knows too. "</p>
<p>Or, Michael stumbles upon hate on twitter, and it causes his inner demons to rear their ugly heads. Luckily, Luke is there to bring Michael back to the surface.</p>
            </blockquote>





	there's a hope that's waiting for you in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> hello. okay, i'm shaking i'm so nervous right now. this isn't the first fic i've written, but it is the first one i'm posting and i'm nervous. but i'm proud of this mini-fic i wrote here, so um. i hope you like it! and if anyone is reading, thank you!  
> title is from the song 'scars to your beautiful' by alessia cara.
> 
> also, the idea for this fic came to me when i was on instagram and so many people were hating on michael and it was making me really upset, so i got to thinking what if they actually saw the shit some people say? so this came and it breaks my heart that if they do see any hate that's supremely negative, what could happen? 
> 
> also, just a warning michael in here has quite a few negative thoughts in here so just a warning for that.
> 
> enjoy! <3

Michael is well aware of the fact that media can be toxic sometimes. The differing opinions of people resulting in arguments; people just being plain ignorant and that’s what turns many off from social media - especially when you have people watching your every move. 

It’s different for Michael, though. He knows he could be considered a hypocrite when saying he knows the dangers of social media and how detrimental it can be to his self-esteem, but he continues to enjoy using twitter and instagram and seeing what his friends are up to.

For a while, his mentions and timeline have been nothing but friends joking around with him and fans being adorable and telling stupid jokes, which result in Michael genuinely laughing and hitting that follow button to hopefully make someone's day.

When Michael wakes up, the first thing he does is check his phone. It’s a natural movement for his body now, his arm automatically reaching out to the right where his phone lay on his nightstand, eyes still blearily closed and face smushed into the pillow. His fingers finally find the cool edges of his phone and he brings it over to his face, grudgingly forcing his eyes open and almost immediately closing them at the bright light being emitted.

He only has a couple notifications from his friends that are miles away from him and one text from Calum that says to ‘get his annoying ass out of bed.’ Michael rolls his eyes and just replies a vague ‘no’ to Calum, and moves onto to his twitter mentions and banters with his friends before moving over to his timeline.

Michael expects to see the usual stupid jokes and fans being their adorable selves, but there are several tweets that he wasn’t anticipating.

It was a video from their most recent show, his solo during broken home specifically. Michael knew he didn’t do the best job vocally performing that one, but he just moved past that insecurity and pushed it down to worry about another day. Attached to the video was a comment reading, “Wow, glad music has gone so downhill that they let someone with such an awful and emotionally detached voice get success instead of people who deserve it.”

Michael frowns, and though he wills himself not to, he can’t stop his fingers from pressing the tweet and scrolling to look at the replies. He’s stopped seeing negative tweets and comments recently, and he was hoping it would stay that way because he’s finally feeling more confident in himself and his voice. He attempts to push back the negative thoughts, and stupidly continues to read the comments.

So, so many agree with the original post, and many others commenting about how his voice is “hoarse and sore, not meant to be in a band”; several tweets even mention that ‘someone who like that shouldn’t be in this band and it would be better without him’.

Michael feels his eyes tear up slightly but will them away; he didn’t need to get upset over this. These were just people that hated the band, right? Yet, he notices profile pictures of his bandmates and usernames referencing their band.

He immediately presses the back button off that tweet and onto his timeline, hoping to see some more positive tweets to cheer him up. But his frown grows as their are more comments about his voice; some fans concerned if he was sick, others stating how it was hilarious someone with a voice like his could be considered good. Michael locks his phone and throws it to the side of his bed.

Did the fans really think he was a negative force on the band? Was his voice really awful to people's ears? People were asking for Michael to have more solos after their first album, but now that the new one was out did they realise how terrible of a voice he really had and don’t want any more of it?

Michael hates when his thoughts get so negative and eat away at his brain, but he can’t help them. Seeing the messages about him just fueled his brain with fire that’s aimed at his insecurities and self-doubts and immediately lights itself to burn.

His mind is reeling, and his inner demons that haven’t attacked in so, so long rearing their angry heads back once again. Michael has been doing so, so well - but maybe that happiness wasn’t supposed to last forever. Maybe it was just all a trick to convince Michael he was worth something so he could be happy just long enough to keep himself sane, then as soon as that’s over reveal the truth - that he wasn’t worth being in the band; he wasn’t good enough and wasn’t fit enough to succeed. Michael’s convinced himself for so long - with the help of his band mates - that none of these thoughts were true; but he can’t help but think that they  _ are _ and his friends were just trying to make him feel better.

Michael hates when his mind starts to become a dark whirlwind of thoughts; not only did it bother him, he didn’t want to be the one bringing down his bandmates moods and have the others worrying about him.

He hears a knock at the door and quickly shuts his phone off and wipes his eyes quickly before the door cracks open, revealing a clean-cut Luke, freshly shaved and hair styled flat on his head.

“Hey,” he says, quietly. Luke walks over and sits on the edge of Michael’s bed. Michael looks the other way to try and avoid Luke confronting him about his tear stained cheeks - Luke has enough to worry about, he doesn’t want to add himself to the plate. He can practically feel Luke's frown at his action from the other side of the bed. “Calum texted you, we thought you might’ve died or something. You’re usually up by at least 11.” Luke lays down next to him, shoulders touching, Michael still looking in the opposite direction.

“Is everything alright?” Luke finishes, and Michael can hear the concern evident in his voice. 

“Fine.” Michael replies, devoid of any emotion and he knows Luke can see right through him. Luke and Michael have a strong relationship with each other - though they have to keep their intimate relationship behind closed doors due to some stupid management rule, they still manage to sneak small touches with each other and hidden looks that keep themselves going. The fact that they can also practically read each other through any emotion as if their hearts were written on their sleeves shows just how close they really were; but in times like this Michael wants to keep his emotions hidden. He doesn’t want anyone reading him or asking him he’s fine; he doesn’t want anyone to worry.

Luke moves closer, interlacing his hand with Michaels. “No, you’re not.” Luke states this simply, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Was Michael really that easy to read?

Luke continues. “Mikey, please talk to me. You only get really quiet when - when your thoughts get really dark. Are the negative thoughts coming back again?” Luke’s voice radiates concern that washes over Michael, and he doesn’t know whether to be thankful Luke knows him so well or to curse him because Michael hates talking about his feelings.

“No. I’m just tired.” Michael lies, despite knowing he’s practically translucent around Luke.

“Bullshit.”

Michael sighs. “I just…” he brings his hand up to his hair, running it through the newly blue locks. “It’s just..the usual, I guess. It’s normal for tour.” He doesn’t want to say what really upset him, but he knows Luke will ask because it’s Luke and he needs to know every detail when Michael’s feeling down. He appreciates Luke for caring - or, he hopes Luke actually cares and isn’t just being nice. Michael hates that those thoughts pop into his head about the person he loves most, but they can’t help themselves in times like this, and he wishes the thoughts would just go away. But that’s not how his head works.

Luke takes his other hand and starts petting Michael’s head. Michael turns to look at Luke, seeing his azure eyes filled with concern. He watches as Luke’s eyes glance to the end of the bed, where Michael carelessly threw his phone after his mini breakdown. Realization fills Luke’s eyes and he reaches to grab Michael’s phone, but Michael grabs hold of his arm trying to pull him back.

“Michael,” Luke starts, and Michael hates the mixture of concern and sadness present in his voice. He didn’t like to be the cause of Luke being sad. “Have you been getting hate or anything like that again?”

Luke’s expression is now completely serious, and Luke knows how Michael gets when he stumbles upon online hate about himself - Michael instantly overthinks them and believe anything and everything said. Michael hates that he does that and hates that Luke knows too.

When Michael doesn’t reply, Luke quickly releases his arm from Michael's grip and snatches his phone off the bed before Michael can even glance towards his phone.

“Seriously, Luke. Don’t worry. It’s not a big deal.”

Luke stares at Michael, and Michael doesn’t like the mixture of concern, sadness and incredulousness present in his face. “Michael, please. I love you a lot and so do Calum and Ashton. We all want to know when this shit is happening so we can end it. And definitely to make you believe that absolutely none of it is true.”

Michael still can’t find the right words to say and simply watches Luke type in the passcode to his phone - 1696, Luke’s birthday - and he knows he never closed the twitter app or the tweet he had open, and Michael watches Luke’s expression change to hurt and anger after reading the tweet.

“Michael,” Luke looks at Michael, dropping the phone and taking both hands and immediately grabbing Michael’s, staring directly into his eyes. Michael wants to look away, but he can’t because Luke’s eyes are so pretty and the genuine  _ care  _ in Luke’s eyes is enough to make him cry. “You don’t really believe this, do you?”

“It’s true; why wouldn’t I believe it?” Michael admits, and wills himself to break eye contact because he doesn’t want to see the look on Luke’s face as he realises that Michael really is worthless and can’t sing and breaks up with him in an instant. He also doesn’t want Luke to see the tears that are currently pooling themselves, close to falling.

Luke’s hand comes under Michael’s chin and tilts his head back up. “Look at me.”

Michael doesn’t want to, but does anyway and makes eye contact with Luke, not expecting to see tears forming in his boyfriend's eyes. “Don’t cry,” Michael immediately says, bringing his hand up to wipe his boyfriend's tears. He doesn’t like to see Luke cry, it hurts Michael too much.

Luke lets out a humourless chuckle as brings his hand up and caresses Michaels face. “Michael, you’re the one going through a shitty time and you’re asking me to not cry? I knew there was a reason I fell in love with you and you’re the best boyfriend in the world.”

“If you still are my boyfriend..” Michael mumbles and instantly regrets it.

He doesn’t miss Luke’s expression switch from loving to shocked within a millisecond. “What the hell, Michael?”

Michael blinks back more tears, and his hand finds Luke’s. “I just...once you read those comments I figured you realised they were all true and didn’t want anything to do with me.”

Luke’s expression changes once again, and this time he really looks like he’s about to cry. Luke shakes his head, then immediately pulls Michael to his chest, and Michael can’t help but bury his face in it and lets a sob escape.

He hates that he made Luke upset with his mood and how he was acting. Michael hates that he does that; there’s a reason he normally hides his feelings and true inner demons from his friends. They deserve so much positivity in their lives, and Michael doesn’t want to be the one depriving them of so.

Michael buries his head deeper in Luke’s chest, and he hears Luke sniffle quietly and Michael hugs him tighter.

“I’m sorry,” Michael breathes out, barely audible against Luke’s chest. “I..I did-didn’t mean that, I just. It just…” Michael can’t gather his thoughts together, his head is a mess of contradicting thoughts and a whirlwind of sadness and he just wants it to go  _ away. _

Luke leans away from Michael slightly so that he can scare directly into his eyes, Michael still keeping their embrace strong, hands interlaced together.

“Michael,” Luke says, and his voice is so intense, and so is his gaze, that Michael feels a bit intimidated. He knows it’s pretty serious when Luke gets this way - and Luke only gets this way when it involves Michael, usually - because Luke’s always a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. It’s strange seeing him without a dopey smile on his face.

“First of all, there would never, ever be any reason for me to break up with you.” The sincerity in Luke’s eyes makes Michael almost start sobbing again. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, okay? You, and the band and everything we’ve been through together. I promise you, if there is anything,  _ anything  _ that would get in the way of us, I swear to God I will fight so fucking hard to make sure nothing pulls us apart.”

Michael is crying again, he can’t believe Luke was capable of forming such beautiful words about a person like Michael. Michael didn’t deserve Luke, but he was so, so happy he was the one he fell for.

As Michael was about to speak, Luke put a finger over his mouth and shshes him. “I’m not done,” Luke pauses and starts leaning backwards into a laying position, bringing Michael with him. Luke turns so that he is spooning Michael, and Michael can feel Luke’s warm breath cascade down his neck.

“Don’t you ever fucking thing anything less of yourself, Michael, okay?” Luke sounds pained as he speaks, so Michael squeezes his hand tightly. Luke squeezes back. “I hate that you have to deal with these shitty thoughts so fucking often. You do not deserve them one fucking bit and it makes me so angry. Michael, please, please believe me when I say you are a genuine, beautiful human who means so, so much to so many people. You have so much talent - you can sing so fucking well, Michael, it almost gives me a boner on stage each time you open your mouth.” Michael laughs, and Luke laughs too and god, Luke has a laugh Michael could listen to for days.

“Whatever you see online, this bullshit hate, this people are just - just fucking stupid. They’re not fans of ours. They’re assholes just looking for attention. And they’re jealous of how fucking special you are, okay? Michael, so many people love you. Our fans, Calum, Ashton. Me. I love you so fucking much and I am going to fucking kill the person who even tweeted that bullshit in the first place.”

Luke finishes by turning Michael’s head and practically smashing his lips into Michael’s and Michael hungrily kisses back. Some of those negative thoughts are still floating in the back of his mind, but it’s okay, because Michael knows that people that matter do care about him. He knows his best friends would go to ends of the world to defend him, and he would do the same back. Michael tries to push away his negative thoughts with memorization of Luke’s beautiful speech, and even though those thoughts won’t go away easily, he can feel a little bit more relaxed here in Luke’s arms.

Michael moves their hands so they’re entwined above both of their heads, Luke’s thumb rubbing comforting circles on Michael’s palm.

“I don’t deserve you,” Michael breaks the silence with his quiet whisper, so full of emotion that it almost brings a new atmosphere into the room.

“No,” Luke says immediately, bringing Michael closer to him. “ _ I  _ don’t deserve you.”

Michael smiles, boops Luke’s nose and replies with a simple, “You’re a dork.”

“But I’m  _ your  _ dork.”

Michael rolls his eyes and cuddles further into Luke, though they’re as close as they physically can get, Michael still wants to be closer. 

Michael feels Luke move slightly and whines, pouting at the loss of contact. Luke rolls his eyes, leaning slightly over the edge of the best go get his phone, where it must have fallen at some point. Michael doesn’t even know where his phone had ended up, but he doesn’t want to look at it at the moment.

Luke returns, instead this time Michael lays his head on Luke’s chest and pulls the covers over them.

“Whatcha doin’?” Michael asks, seeing Luke open his twitter app.

“I’m going to rant.” is all he replies, and Michael doesn’t understand until he starts typing.

Panic goes through Michael instantly, not wanting to bring attention to the situation. He doesn’t want to attract more attention. “Luke, no. It’s fine..leave it. We dealt with it.”

“We may have dealt with it this time, but Michael, this stuff does bad shit to you. You do so well but just one simple tweet can bring you down and I hate seeing that.”

Michael knows Luke cares, but he can’t help but be a little offended. “I can handle some hate, you know. Today was just, y’know, one of those days.”

Luke glances over a Michael, biting his lip. “I know you can, I know. I just don’t like people being mean to you okay? And today was a pretty extreme case. I just worry.”

Michael rolls his eyes. “You worry too much, and you’re also a sap.”

“If I’m a sap, does that make you my maple tree?”

“Luke, that makes no fucking sense.”

They meet each other's gaze and start giggling, and that giggling soon escalates into full-blown laughter. The mood in the room has changed drastically since earlier, and Michael has Luke to thank for that and god, he’s really happy Luke exists.

Michael can’t help but think he was in such a awful mood this morning, so much self-hate and self doubt getting into his head, but the person he loves the most in the world proved why Michael loves him so much, and it made his mood instantly brighter. Of course Michael is always going to have his days, but he knows Luke will be there.

It takes Luke about ten minutes to finish his rant and post it, and Luke has also taken Michael’s phone for the day. Michael whines about it, but Luke shuts him up with a kiss.

“Thank you,” Michael whispers, as they’re cuddling after making out for god knows who long.

“I’m your best friend and boyfriend, if I didn’t tell you the truth, what kind of best friend and boyfriend would I be?” Luke grins at that, thinking he’s being smooth but Michael is kind of feeling like being a little shit now.

“Actually, Calum’s my best friend. You’re just my boyfriend.” Michael shrugs, pretending like it’s common knowledge that won’t offend Luke.

“Fuck you, Michael. I was trying to be all cute!” Luke sounds genuinely offended, and Michael replies by moving his entire body on top of Luke, who instantly wraps his arms around Michael.

“You know, I’m really glad you’re smiling now. You have a beautiful smile.” Luke states this so casually, and Michael blushes, not knowing how to respond so he does so with a kiss.

As Luke is about to pull Michael back in for another kiss, the door to Michael’s room is practically ripped off it’s hinged as Ashton and Calum storm into the room, looking very confused and slightly angry.

“Luke, what the fuck? You can’t just post a rant like this without giving  _ us _ any context!” Ashton rambles, and he and Calum both plop down on the bed, Luke and Michael glancing at each other because they really didn’t want to talk about this again.

“Chill, Ash. It’s fine now. Well, it’s not fine, ever, But for now,-” Michael begins talking but Luke cuts him off, and Michael doesn’t want to tell Ashton and Calum but he doesn’t want them to worry, but they’ll find out eventually, so he lets them be.

“Michael stumbled upon some really, really disgusting hate this morning and it didn’t affect him well.” Luke says, and Michael takes a hold of Luke’s hand again.

Anger flashes across of both Ashton and Calum’s eyes, and Calum is the first to speak up. “What the fuck? Why are people so shitty? Michael, what did they say?”

Calum has always been really protective of his best friends, and gets extremely riled up when anyone offends them in the slightest ways. Michael sighs, he loves Calum and Ashton, he really does, but he doesn’t want to think about it again.

Before Michael can stop him, Luke responds again. “Shitty things, about his voice and other stuff. I’d rather not go back into it.”

Calum and Ashton look at each other, obviously wanting more information but knowing that for all of their sakes and especially Michael’s, they’ll let it slide for now. Instead of saying anything, they both grab Michael off of Luke and smother him in giant hug.

“Hey, give him back.” Luke complains, and Michael just hugs his best friends back, thankful he has such amazing people in his life.

“You could always join us, you idiot.” Calum replies, and another pair of arms wraps around Michael.

“Michael, you know not to believe that stuff, right? It’s bullshit.” Ashton says, pulling away from the hug slightly, eyes sincere. Michael smiles at him while the others follow suit and break the hug, but Luke stays close to Michael.

“I know, I already got the rant from Luke.”

“It was the most amazing and beautiful rant ever.”

“Don’t get too cocky now, Luke. It wouldn’t say it was the  _ most  _ beautiful.”

“Shut up, Michael.”

“You shut up, Luke.”

Ashton makes a fake barfing noise and grabs Calum’s hand. “Oh my god, let’s leave before they start dry humping each other right in front of us.”

Calum laughs and Ashton giggles, leaving the room and slamming the door behind them.

Michael and Luke laugh at their best friends antics, and Michael can’t help but make a comment. “Please, as if we’d be dry humping. We’d just go straight into anal.”

“Yup, they underestimate how much we can do in the bedroom.”

“We can get pretty creative without lube,” Michael winks and Luke’s eyes widen, before laughing and pulling Michael in for a heated kiss.

Yeah, Michael’s day started out shitty. And there’s going to be a lot of shitty days in between the good ones, and those shitty negative thoughts of Michael’s will probably never go away. Hate will always be a constant, but it will get easier to ignore. So will those shitty thoughts. And instead of believing those shitty thoughts, he can believe all the positive ones around him, and slowly start having more good days than bad.

As Luke bites Michael’s lip and Michael pulls him closer, Michael can’t help but smile against him and think he’s so thankful for his best friends to help him through the day, and he’s so fucking lucky to have someone as genuine and beautiful as Luke Hemmings to bring him back from those intrusive thoughts, and even luckier that he loves Luke Hemmings, and that Luke Hemmings loves him back.


End file.
